Monday, October 26, 2009

Wild Horses

Sunday, 25. October 2009, 21:14:11
Well here I am again.

Here's a funny story for you all around 4am last night I hear Trick arrive home from being out with his mates, and could hear the ute running in the drive for ages. At first I though he must be backing the trailer into the drive, but it was taking ages, then I figured that Ricky must have been giving Trick a hand an mussing it up for him...but still the ute kept running. Then I thought that Trick must just be sitting out there having a gas bag with Ricky. Concerned that he'd wake the neighbours revving his engine occasionally, I thought I'd go out and give them the hurry up. I turn the outside lights on, and wander out. I see Trick looking dead behind the wheel, as if he's had a heart-attack and died just as he's finished parking. I wander over and knock on the window, he looks up drool running from his mouth down his chin, in horror that i'm standing beside the ute. I burst out laughing, and slowly he comes around from the deep sleep he was in, and realizes where he is and what he'd been doing. Eventually he pulls himself together and gets out explaining that he'd been so cold he thought he'd just sit in the ute for a while when he got home to warm up. It had been just over 30 mins since he first got home.

LOL, silly bugger, should have come home earlier than 4am, and then he wounldn't have been so tired and cold.

Now, I think yesterday I mentioned that I've swung back down out of Hypomania. It's got me remembering all sorts of things that tug at my heart strings. Like the Honour Rolls from the Hamilton Town Hall. Tonight I've got a song i my head. I've included it and it's lyrics down below. It's not actually the song itself that is stuck in my head, but rather the memory it evokes. About a year or so ago my friend Simon came over and we watched a movie called Camp. It was a teen flick, about a musical theatrical summer camp. Think High School Musical, only a lot gayer (which was lots of fun). There is one scene where a jock tries out for a lead part, everyone assumes that he won't have much talent because he's a jock...but it turns out he's got the rock vibe working for him. He sings a laid back folk version of this song (quite like the Sunday's version below), it basically exposes his softer side which everyone assumed he didn't have.

Anyway, it's this moment in the film that I'm remembering. So, where I'm at at the minute is reflecting up on my whole tough guy with a vulnerability who is willing to risk it all by letting the world know exactly what he's feeling and what he wants most in the world. Carpe Diem and all that. It's the same theme that keeps being dragged up, by fascination with gay kisses in movies. *sigh* It's all very well me wishing to meet some person who's willing to do that to be with me...but what exactly am I willing to give up for them? I don't exactly have a lot to give up, but the things I do have I hang onto very tightly. My family, and house, and the couple of good friends that I couldn't get by without. Would I be willing to give any of those things up for someone, who may walk out on me if something better came along? I don't think so...but am I cheating myself out of something amazing just by saying that?

OH, that's just reminded me about another topic I wanted to discuss. Is it a big deal for you telling someone that you love them? For me it just flows of the tongue. It's a gift I want to share, not hold back from anyone. So anyway, this week on tellie, I was watching Being Erica...and part of the theme was when is it right to say you love someone. It seemed like such a big deal, and then also not have it returned. Do you think it's an American theme, that Aussies just don't have (like the whole dating vs seeing someone)? Perhaps I'm missing the point of the whole "I Love You."...I mean there have been a few partners that I've had where I've thought "I could grow old with you", but perhaps I ought to be holding back my "I love you" till I meet the person who I couldn't imagine my life continuing without? Instead I've been offering up my "I love you." to everyone who I feel is part of my family. Which isn't a lie, I do love them, as much as I do my friends and family.

Meh, it's all far to confusing for my poor brain. LOL, and it's not even pertinent right at this moment in time, since I'm single and not even interested in anyone ATM.

If you've got any thoughts on the subject let me know please!
Cheers, and please enjoy the music.

Wild Horses written by The Rolling Stones (although I prefer this version by the Sundays)

Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady you know who I am
You know I cant let you slide through my hands

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away

I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Lets do some living after we die

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, well ride them some day

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, well ride them some day

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