Saturday, 18. August 2007, 04:31:32
I had a visit from my grandmother earlier today. She's been dead about two years now.
I was asleep and was dreaming about her.
We were having a family do...and as per usual, there was a little bit of squabbling, and people scattered throughout the house doing stuff.
My brother can in to say there was something wrong with Nonna, and I could hear her having a fit in the next room. I told him to go and find Maria as, Nonna was having a stroke. Anyway, my dead grandfather chimed in and told us it was all our fault. That it was all of us squabbling that had upset her. I just ignored that comment as he was always the main instigator of all the family squabbles, and went to help Nonna.
She'd stopped thrashing about, and was 'busily' cleaning, like she did when she was cranky with us...you could almost see her about to stop her feet in frustration at us.
I asked her to 'stop that' (the cleaning)...and pulled her gently to one side and said "Nonna, it's time for you to go. You're dead."
She said something like 'is it really?' and I nodded to her.
So then we sat down, with her in my lap.
I was af course very teary as this was my favourite person in the world that I was saying good-bye to.
She hugged me and said that she had some things to tell me. Putting one hand to my face to brush away tears, she said "You're my Strong grown up girl now, and I love you."
With that I woke up, feeling as if i was being given the tightest hug in the world. So tight I could only draw half a breath at a time.
Then the real tears came, sobbing as I let her go. My Nonna had been and gone again. Leaving me feeling peace and happiness. Stronger for the visit too, as if just her faith in me had doubled my ability to withstand anything.
I rang my mother and let her know what had happened, and my sister in law, as Nonna had left messages for both of them...and Little Milly...all us girls together. Five generations so tightly linked, beyond death.
I could hear in Maria's voice that she didn't believe me...that she thinks it's all because of the neuro-feedback i'm doing. It might well be...but that doesn't mean that it wasn't Nonna able to visit me because the right thing was triggered in my brain. It was so much her presence. The fact that i was sleeping, where Nonna used to sleep could also have had something to do with the visit...just like the close like we shared when she was alive. There is nothing that could convince me that Nonna wasn't here.
So that's my special day.