Ever feel like sing'n the blues...
Friday, 27. July 2007, 03:47:48
Hello again Folks,
I was watching a Blues special on the tellie tonight, and it got me thinking about how much i'd like to sing the blues. Apart from not having a singing voice or a musical bone in my body, it should be no problem (Ha)!
Although I've experienced my share of depression, I'm afraid I don't really have anything to sing about. A couple of broken hearts, a lost education, a girl from the country gone to the big smoke, the world falling to pieces...lol, sounds more like country to me. Unfortunately i'm not a fan of country.
Shall I tell you a bit about my choice in men? I've so far chosen a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, who i decided would be better if he drank and drugged himself right back.
Next I chose an egotistical pig who thought he was a poet, and was always on about how his ideal woman was the exact physical opposite to me (ie: had no boobs, was thin as a rake and was short and tanned)...so I sent him on his way too.
Now comes the fun. Next is commonly refered to as my gay-ex. We were together six months, and not long after we got together I asked him if he was gay. He said "No" and because i'm such a trusting soul, I believed him. After six months of wondering what was wrong with me (we'd only had sex 5 times!), he came and told me that I'd be the perfect partner if only I was male! Phew, what a relief!
The next fella was lured all the way from Canada to be with me...I must give good cyber? Actually we'd been friends for a couple of years, and chatted daily about everything under the sun, including his failing marriage and subsequent relationships. When we split up I really had my heart broken...I'd lost my best friend. Although in hindsight it was probably the fact that he'd just jumped from relationship to relationship his whole life, and had never had much of a chance to live as a single adult.
So that's all the guys I've lived with...a bad boy, a pig, a gay and a canadian. LOL, up until now I'd thought i was progressively chosing better.
So anyway, i'm single now and not quite ready to turn into a cat lady...although I love cats and could quite happily live with a heap of them. Actually I plan on getting another cat, a dog and a couple of horses, when i move out of town proper. And hopefully the general consensus is that i'm not a crazy old coot living out in the sticks. Blue hair, animals and bi-polarness aside, i'm not that crazy...at least there are a handful of people who think that's normal
So back to the Blues. My next topic would have been my lost education. Again I go about things backwardly. I didn't finish high school. It was a bi-polar thing combined with no real idea about what i wanted to study when i finsihed. So I went to work in the family buisness making kitchen benchtops, which i remained at for the next 7 years.
Eventually I decided that I didn't want to be an Architect, but rather an Archiologist (either that or taxidermist). So I applied to Uni, and got into Monash with flying colours...all was going well till i had another bi-polar melt down. I spent the next 5 years doing first year on and off, whilst helping classmates prepare all thier work for thier honours theses.
LOL, if only i'd been able to be credited with that work and skipped all the years in between. Anyway, more bi-polar meltdowns later, I've decieded to move back to the country where things are less stressful.
Perhaps now would be a good time to comment upon my bi-polarity? I'm bi-polar II...which means i get suicidally depressed (about once every 4 years), and swing into hypo-mania (which means less that mania).
Mania does not just mean happy and bubbly, that is just one facet of mania...other facets include extreme anger, delusions, halucinations and other not so pleasant stuff. So after having one really horrid experience with hypomania, you'll find I'm a very keen advocate for people remaining medicated. Although tappering off whilst under strick medical supervision would be ideal, I feel that I never want to risk it.
On the other hand, I manage my bi-polariaty via a number of practical means. Neuro-feedback as mentioned in my previous post is one tool, as is closely monitering my moods, and spending (overspending is one sign i'm heading off the rails). I also take heaps of fish oil, to maintain brain chemistry, a healthy diet, as well as suplementing other vitamins and minerals.
I also have to limit the amount of time I spend with other people to 15-20 hours a week...any more than that and I start melting down. It's a fine a delicate balance. A lot of people look at my lifestyle and think that i'm a slacker, but i do it because I have to...even though there are plenty of other things i'd rather be doing
Next episode of the Blues with a capital 'B', is a country girl gone to the big smoke. It's really not that big of a deal. I would have been in primary school when I decided I wasn't going to live in the country, but move the three and a half hours to the city. So, but the time I was 24 it just felt like a natural progression for me
I loved living in Melbourne. I loved having close neighbours. I loved everything being available 24/7. All day breakfasts and all night coffee. Bookshops you can eat in and browse till 11pm. I loved going out, or staying in. Listening to the trains and trams from my front door, or through the bedroom window in the middle of the night.
I loved catching public transport on lazy days. I adored the fact the beach was only 15 minutes from home, or the mountains were half an hour away. The galleries, the movies, the shopping, the multicultural foods...I just loved the whole lot!
Now you might ask why exactly I've moved away. It's simple, I missed the space. I missed being able to walk for twenty minutes without seeing another soul. I missed being able to let my cat outside, without having to fret over whether he'd be hit by a car.
I missed being able to surround myself with animals...being able to stand in the paddock and chat to a horse, climb in a haystack with the cat looking for mice, go rabbiting with a shovel and a dog...not having to see anyone for days on end.
On this last point there is a big difference, between city and country. In the city you can wander around surrounded by people and not talking to anyone, in the country however you can actually not see anyone for days if you choose.
Besides which i was such good friends with my neighbours in Melb, that at least one set per day would come and visit me. Which in bi-polar moments i'd get fed up with and stick a message on my window, telling them all to bugger off, as i didn't want to see, talk, text, wave or in any other way communicate with them. Lucky for me they all put up with that odd behaviour.
Ok, so i know that you're now re-evaluating my cat woman behaviour...and I can see a similarity myself
LOL, and last but not least, we come to the world falling apart. I suppose it's not falling apart any more than any other generation...It's just that i'm noticing it more.
The state of global warming is a disgrace. The disrespect we all show each other is a disgusting symptom of a sick world, from the state of invading other countries, terrorisim, and just local crime and rudeness. I'm disgusted with the way we treat each other as a human race...ohhh and dont get me started on people who maltreat animals.
What else? How about the lack of equality in the world? The sooner we all start thinking of ourselves as part of a global community the better. Why is it that we think that one local is any better than any other? Why aren't we as nice to the neighbours on the far side of the world, as we are to Mrs Jones who lives next door? Why don't we think of future generations, before we throw our trash out the window...or into someone else's back year? Why is it that in this day and age all people aren't treated equally (and with respect)?
Oh and while i'm ranting...when was the last time you hugged a friend? I don't mean air kissed, or a little pat on the back with your bum stuck out as if it's close proximity with some one might turn you into a leper. I mean a real honset to goodness hug. One that says I love you, I value you, you're my friend and I care about how you feel.
Sure it might take some getting used to, if you're not used to human contact from anyone other than family or a sex partner...but just think about how much better the world would feel if everyone was walking around feeling good about themselves (even if it's just for a little while). If you're bold enough, hug a stranger, or at the least smile at them! You're not a sleazy creep if you do, you're just a genuinely nice person.
Ok then, i'll stop ranting now. Do you think i've got material enough for a couple of Blues songs?
I do have a confession to make, I sing in the car...it may not be blues or anything classy, but it amuses me. My latest composition went a little something like this:
I'm a leetle frogiee.
I've got green legs
and they like to jump.
I've got a long tounge
that I like to flick.
It goes in and out,
to catch those flies.
I'm a leetle frogiee!
I'm a leetle froggie.
You want to be like me.
Happy and carefree.
Hopping up and down,
on my great green legs.
Be-bop be doo-wop
bob shoo-wop shoo-wop
I'm a leetle frogiee!
Now, this may seem an odd little song...it doesn't rhyme or even flow. It's perhaps best expressed by a crazy person, singing in a funny voice, at the top of my voice, as tunelessly as posible, with my windows rolled up, in the middle of the night. I found it highly amusing, at the time...and if you'd been driving past me at the time, you probably would have wet yourself at the sight of a loon singing that ditty.
Did I mention that i've not got a musical bone in my body?
Before you mention it, I do have a working radio in the car...I just like to sing occasionally
I'm fairly sure that I'll not be aspiring to writing a cool Blues song any time soon...
p.s. You made it to the end of one hell of a long post. *waves good-bye*