Monday, October 26, 2009

Gross thoughts,

Gross thoughts,

Sunday, 23. March 2008, 13:51:10

I'm guessing that you've never had the image of a man's face distorted by an arm being forced down his throat. It had been newly ripped from it's victim and had sprayed the man's face with the blood that was still being pumped around it via the pulse reflex. His eyes were sqeezed tight at the horror of it all, and his nose was wrinkled up at the warm salty bloody coursing over his tounge, before sliding downwards, to lubricate his throat as the shoulder was forced insisde his stretched orifice.

I get glimpses of horror like that quite often. Totally out of place and unrealistic...a glimpse of a possible halucination. A macabre glimpse into my mirror world. I think that Alice Through the Looking Glass could have been quite an unpleasant place if it hadn't been a story for children. Considering that most adult versions of mirror worlds are oft corrupted and evil. Like an apple with a worm looks ok on the outside, but with a little further examination it's quite unpalatable.

It's the place where instead of greeting you with a kiss to the cheek I plunge my fist into your chest and rip out a vital organ, or simply bite a large chunk of the side of your face where your cheek used to be. All the while I smile politely as I lean towards you and then retreat back into my own personal if nothing outt of the ordinary had happened. Then looking rather surprised at you screaming in pain...not to mention slightly concerned for you, as you are my 'friend'.

The people that I dont like, well I'd treat them rather differently. I'd carry a blunt weapon...although it wouldn't quite be blunt, there would be blades embeded into the timber, or nails, or even perhaps a blunt metal edge sharpened just enough to slice a little as the weight of my blunt instrument swung into you. I want to tear as well as crush with my weapon of pain...but I don't want death to be too quick. There has to be a certain amount of smashing and tearing causing great fear, before your eventual death.

There are days when I wish to be mugged, or ambushed just so I can let the mirror side out...but I never am, so luckily i've never committed such a grevious crime. I also try to isolate myself if I feel I might be entering into my Mirror side...I never want to inflict this mirror self on anyone I know.

I also take my medications regularly so that I never hit the violent high, and do my best to curb all highs with various treatments...I can't imagine living without all the love and support that I do have. I think of the people living on the streets, or in denial of thier illnesses, or worse self treating themselves with drugs and alcohol...What happens when their mirror sides are let out and there is nowhere to go, or help to control the 'Hyde' in them...who is there to stop the violence that is hidden deep within our mirrors?

That is a very sombering thought...encourage everyone you know to seek professional help for their dark sides (no matter how well they seem to you right now).

p.s. For the record my nephew Raphy suffers from anxiety, and his parents can't see it...or if they do are quick to blame silly reasons, rather than seek professional help. Since it's highly unlikely Maree is ever likely to read this, I'd also like to say she is a manipulative, two sided, control freak, bitchy snake from hell! Sher, if ever you read this, my advice to you and Richard is to move as far away as possible from all your parents, figure out who you both really are, and get help for your kids before they end up as screwy as every other member of our families! And don't sit there and say that generally our families aren't screwed up, because they both are...and please note i'm not just accusing your family of being screwed up but both families.

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