Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Hello Darkness My Old Friend...

The title says it all I'm afraid.


 

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Beatles top 100

Herrow

I heard the other day that Rolling Stone is publishing The Beatles top 100, the top ten of which you can find here and at the very end of this post. (I do love the lists they compile over there, some excellent listening!). This got me thinking about which Beatles song is my favourite. In my mid-teens I pretty much only listened to sixties music, as the eighties didn't really inspire me musically. As such I often found the Beatles high on my rotation list...along with the Byrds, the Easybeats, and the Stones (a bit of a Brit-Pop thing happening there, which was echoed again once we were into the nineties).

Anyway here is my favourite Beatles song and  accompanying lyrics.



Norwegian Wood
I once had a girl
Or should I say, she once had me
She showed me her room
Isn't it good Norwegian wood?

She asked my to stay and told me sit anywhere
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair

I sat on a rug, biding my time
Drinking her wine
We talked until two, and then she said:
"It's time for bed,"

She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh
I told her I didn't, and crawled off to sleep in the bath

And when I awoke, I was alone
This bird has flown
So I lit a fire
Isn't it good Norwegian wood?

LOL, I just read the wiki article on the meaning behind the lyrics. 
Norwegian wood = Cheap pine, which was the craze to deck your house out in when the song was written (*shudder* I still have nightmares dealing with how to cover up cheap pine anything). Apparently a girl had led John on and made him sleep in the bath instead of putting out, and as payback in the song at least they thought the appropriate retaliation ought to be burning down her house. I must say that if I heard a fella talking about burning down a house just because a girl wouldn't have sex with him, I'd think he was an arrogant pig, and good on the girl for saying no in the first place...but I suppose it ought to be apparent that the generational gap is an issue just by me having been born nine years after this was recorded.

Perhaps I ought to save my generational rant for another post? lol, I'm old enough now to be driven insane by the younger generation...something which I never thought would happen to me. lol I guess it happens to most people eventually.

Back on track now, here is the Rolling Stone Magazine's top ten Beatles songs.
10. While My Guitar Gently Weeps.
9. Come Together.
8.  Let it Be.
7. Hey Jude.
6.  Something.
5. In My Life.
4.  Yesterday.
3.  Strawberry Fields Forever.
2.  I Wanna Hold Your Hand.
1.  A Day in the Life.

And just because I like the number one on the list, here is the song and lyrics.



A Day in the Life
I read the news today oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grave
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
He blew his mind out in a car
He didn't notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen his face before
Nobody was really sure
If he was from the House of Lords.

I saw a film today oh boy
The English Army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
but I just had to look
Having read the book
I'd love to turn you on

Woke up, fell out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
And looking up I noticed I was late.
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in second splat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
and Somebody spoke and I went into a dream

I read the news today oh boy
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
I'd love to turn you on

 
I hope you've enjoyed the sojourn into Beatles land.
See you on the flip side!
Kate 
 

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Odd dreams due to lack of one drug.

Hello,

So today's  post is about what happens when I forget to refill a certain script. While the avanza script messes with my sleep patterns, effexor messes with my dreams and manner of sleeping. First of all I sleep so heavily that I don't roll over, which leaves me feeling like i've killed all the cells in one hip due to lack of blood flow. Secondly it severely messes with my dreams. I have bizzare saga dreams on any usual night, but when I haven't taken this med they are epic bizzaro dreams...it's like I have extra long dream cycles, which are all interlinked more than usual. It reminds me of what I was once told happens to alcoholics once they come off the grog; the grog had them sleeping in such a deep state for so many years that their bodies try to compensate for all the lost years of rem sleep...flooding them with dreams, to the point that they can feel as if they are going mad.

Anyway, last night's dream my whole family when on a sex convention (not like sexpo)...where every sexual concept you've ever held was challenged, and you were encouraged to experiment without repercussions. There were confrences to ask you why you believed what you did, why you limited yourself to certain attractive people as potential partners...all  the while that was going on i was also a secret agent that travelled through time, could fly by concentrating, and could also turn myself invisible at will. 

So I went off exploring various situations like hooking up with a 50's rock and roll singer who went to my old school in Hamilton. Apparently it was due to my interference with his life that he became such a huge success. I rearranged the school buildings and built an awesome swimming pool that was dedicated to him, so that his name would live on forever (at least in that community). I bounced around that school for a couple of hundred years, helping other's reach the peaks of their professions.

Eventually I returned to the confrence and thwarted an evil master mind from taking over the world, had George Bush pay me a large wad of cash, which my father insisted on calling me a prostitute for accepting. All the while my family was blissfully unaware of my super spy abilities, and they'd been only exploring their own sexualities. Then things dipped briefly into reflections of how I see each of them and their attitudes towards sex and the world around them...and I told them off for ignoring the fact that Raphy had been witness to all thier behaviour towards each other, and how was he supposed to make sense of the world and his own sexuality in the future if he'd been subjected to all of their foibles. I asked Raph what we could do to untraumatise him, and he expressed that all he wanted was to go on the rollercoaster on level ten...so we packed a picnic and got them to reopen that floor to us. Then we rode the rollercoaster until it was time to go home, by which time Raph was so plum tuckered that he was fast asleep on my back as I piggy backed him out of the convention centre. It could also express my worry about Raph being bipolar, or suffering from anxiety (the last of which he is already showing signs of).


So what does all of that mean? Well there are a heap of topics that have been running around in my family this year...sexuality being the biggest topic. Another being Raph's sponge like absorbtion of everything going on around him causing major problems for the poor little mite trying to make head and tail of the world around him. On a personal note I've discovered that i'm quite liberal (free thinking rather than political party) when compared to my family when it comes to attitudes about sex, appearance, and expressing what I believe, or wanting to experience new things. Also that I can shine, even tough the majority of people can't see me, and that I can control the environment around me...and that I'm often in the right place at the right time to get things done. 

*sigh* yet it also expresses the longing I have for meeting someone extraordinary to share my life with. Certainly a pearl in the rough appeals, yet I also feel invisible to them. That I also have to demonstrate physically that I believe that they can achieve great things before they truly understand how much they mean to me. Certainly a catch 22, and self destructive behavoiur.

Anyway, that's it from me today. I have to get out and buy these drugs, so I sleep better tonight :)
Kate

P.S. Also please excuse any typo's I may have made today as i've got my right hand bandaged so that I can't play solitare or mahjong. I've gone and given myself RSI in my index and middle fingers by playing them too much whilst watching tellie on my puta. 

Saturday, August 14, 2010

So Tired

Hi,
What can I say? I'm completely knackered. Today we put two large trees through a mulcher, and between the sawing, the draging and the lifting I've got no energy left. I'm about to pour myself into bed and sleep for a week.

So here is a rather obvious tribute to being tired...gotta love The Beatles.
Cheers Kate 
p.s. as per usual the lyrics are posted below the song.




"I'm so tired" ~ The Beatles

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No,no,no.

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git.

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
(mumbling)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Something that shits me...

Hmm >:(
This is something that just annoys the hell out of me.
"Oh she's totally bipolar, I mean what a crazy bitch? Did you see her being nice to that guy in front of her and then turning around in the queue and doing her nut at the girl behind her?!?"
GRRR! Ok, I get that yes, her behaviour was bipolar in attitudes, but by usurping the label bipolar they are turning a serious illness into a joke. Just because someone is behaving in two opposite manners in a short space of time doe NOT make them bipolar.

I have a friend that does this, and I know he doesn't mean me any offence, and that he's just short-cutting his use of the language...but what comes out of one mouth is soon copied by the next.

Case in point I was having a forgetful day here in Ballarat, and during a conversation with about ten people I was heard saying:
"Get with the Leaflet!"
 When faced with blank stares I followed up with: 
"Oh you know the paper folding thingy!"
 Riotous laughter ensued at my muddling of the words Leaflet and Programme. 
About a month later as I was driving down the main street of town, past the main bus exchange, I heard two kids ribbing a third with:
"Der?!? Get with the Leaflet why don't cha?!?"
 That's correct, I was being quoted over a month later by total strangers! 

Now I may hear some of you thinking "Oh well, maybe she lives in a little country town in Australia, where everyone knows everyone else.", but you would be sorely mistaken Ballarat has just over 100,000 residents...I know approximately ten of  those 100,000.

So as you can see it only takes one person to say something silly, and the next thing you know vast masses have taken up the call.

I guess all I can do is express that by making a joke about something as serious as an illness or disorder, it does more harm than good. It certainly makes me feel like I've wasted all these years educating others about mental illness, and doing my best to reduce the stigma suffered by other's who are struggling daily with their individual problems.

Serious Kate, out. 

 
 

Tiny House!

Hey all,


Check out this tiny house, it's so cute!


Love Kate

Friday, August 6, 2010

Another song...

Hi Guys,

Here is yet another song for you. It just tickles my fancy.



"I am a man of constant sorrow" 
(In constant sorrow through his days)

I am a man of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble all my day.
I bid farewell to old Kentucky
The place where I was born and raised.
(The place where he was born and raised)

For six long years I've been in trouble
No pleasures here on earth I found
For in this world I'm bound to ramble
I have no friends to help me now.

[chorus] He has no friends to help him now

It's fare thee well my old lover
I never expect to see you again
For I'm bound to ride that northern railroad
Perhaps I'll die upon this train.

[chorus] Perhaps he'll die upon this train.

You can bury me in some deep valley
For many years where I may lay
Then you may learn to love another
While I am sleeping in my grave.

[chorus] While he is sleeping in his grave.

Maybe your friends think I'm just a stranger
My face you'll never see no more.
But there is one promise that is given
I'll meet you on God's golden shore.

[chorus] He'll meet you on God's golden shore.

lol, did you like it? 
Yeahaw,
Kate 

 

Writing Style.

Hey again all,

I just stumbled across this link which analyzes who you write like by sampling your text.
I thought I'd better share it here :) 



I write like
Stephen King
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
For my Blog



I write like
James Joyce
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Poetry



I write like
Ian Fleming
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Story (Homo-erotic)



I write like
Chuck Palahniuk
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Story (Girly comedy)



I write like
Vladimir Nabokov
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Story (Daydream)



I write like
Dan Brown
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Story (Sci-Fi)



I write like
Raymond Chandler
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Poetry



I write like
H. G. Wells
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!
Story (Gothic romance)

I have to say I'm pretty chuffed that my writing style can vary so much. A pretty nifty exercise if you ask me. Now if only I could finish a story and have it published that would really be something!

Cheers Kate 

Closet Robbie Williams fan.

Hi, 
I have a confession to make...I'm a closet Robbie Williams fan. I realise with that statement I can renounce any claim to being cool. LOL, it's a good thing I'm too damn old to worry about whether or not I'm cool.





And of course here are some lyrics to go along with the song...

 "Come Undone"

So unimpressed, but so in awe
Such a saint, but such a whore
So self-aware, so full of shit
So indecisive, so adamant
I'm contemplating, thinkin' about thinkin'
It's overrated, just get another drink and

Watch me come undone
They're selling razor blades and mirrors in the street
I pray when I'm coming down, you'll be asleep
If I ever hurt you, your revenge will be so sweet
Because I'm scum, and I'm your son
I come undone
I come undone

So rock 'n' roll, so corporate suit
So damn ugly, so damn cute
So well-trained, so animal
So need your love, so fuck you all
I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to
If I stop lying, I'll just disappoint you

Come undone
They're selling razor blades and mirrors in the street
Come undone
I pray when I'm coming down, you'll be asleep
Come undone
If I ever hurt you, your revenge will be so sweet
Because I'm scum, and I'm your son
I come undone

So write another ballad, mix it on a Wednesday
Sell it on a Thursday buy a yacht on Saturday
It's a love song, a love song
Do another interview, sing a bunch of lies
Tell about celebrities that I despise
And sing love songs, we sing love songs so sincere

So sincere

Come undone
They're selling razor blades and mirrors in the street
Come undone
I pray when I'm coming down, you'll be asleep
Come undone
The young pretend you're in the clouds above the sea
I come undone
I am scum
Love your son
You've gotta love your son
Come undone
You've gotta love you son
Come undone

Love your son
I am scum
I am scum
I am scum
I am scum
I am scum
I am scum


So I know it's about coke, however, I always think about when I'm in a depression, and how I live a duplicitous life. I'm so busy trying to convince everyone that I'm normal, even though I'm barely holding things together. Not to mention the self destructive behaviour I indulge in when I think "What the fuck! I may as well do whatever I like for a quick high, since everything is pretty pointless anyway." ...the flip side of which is: what damage am I doing to everyone around me by only considering myself.   



"Feel" 
Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given.

I sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language, I don’t understand.

(chorus)
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

I don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I’m preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death,
That’s why I keep on running.
Before I’ve arrived, I can see myself coming.

(chorus)
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

And I need to feel, real love
And a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.

(instrumental)

(chorus)
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in,
I got too much love,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

I just wanna feel real love,
In a life ever after
There’s a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face, it’s a real big place.

(instrumental)

Come and hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living,
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given

Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.


This song however just expresses my longing to experience all the things that I miss out on when I'm at the mercy of Bipolarity. It's not that I'm not loved, because I am...it's more that at times I'm unable to actually feel it, same as for the most part I've got everything that I need in life...The hitch is being able to actually connect to it emotionally. So I suppose it makes me feel that I'm missing out on half my life, and what a waste of the life I have within me.

Apart from all that Robbie has heaps of uplifting songs and nice high energy stuff which will get me bopping along and singing out of tune with my headphones on...so yes, I'm a closet fan.

Cheers Kate