Where am I?
Saturday, 19. April 2008, 03:50:29
Post Surgery...my back is fine and unless I do something like heavy lifting it ought to stay that way...and virtually pain free. Stupidly I did some heavy lifting after getting home in search of my birth certificate as the hospital lost my handbag in transit to the ward.
The good news is that a full week after doing same said heavy lifting my back hardly twinges anymore when I am in transit to standing position. Oh and I'm not having dreadful headaches from coming off my pain regime cold turky because i'm such an air head that I actually forget to take any pain relief. I have a couple of pain killers and a valium so I don't wake up wanting my head removed.
Apart from all that how am I? Where am I and all that Jazz?
Well feeling like a total space cadet...you know drifting miles above the earth totally disconected with the entire human race.
It dawned on me a few minutes back that without Kelly I have no outside contact with the world...M&P are OS, Trick is doing his thing, Ronnie is in the kennels...so it's just Maurice and I floating in limbo.
I seem to talk quite a bit about living in limbo. (Why is a limbo stick a limbo stick??? OH, it's because you've got to be limber to go under. Duh.)
Limbo according to the Oxford Dictionary is:
• noun 1 (in some Christian beliefs) the supposed abode of the souls of unbaptized infants, and of the just who died before Christ. 2 an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution.
— ORIGIN from Latin limbus ‘hem, border, limbo’.
SO obviously I feel like i'm living on the hem or boarder of life...or perhaps waiting for this interminable period to end. Truth is I feel both in some ways.
I am on the edge of life, I don't want to be in the mainstream of things...personally I think I'd go crazy if I had to be there. *smile* not that I'm not already...but how bad could I be if I did go there??? I wish the world were somehow different...that things were slower, that people cared about each other, *smile* a pipe dream I know.
LOL, I'm sitting here writing and I think "oh, maybe things would be different if i suicided?"...I'm not in the least bit suicidal, just the change of pace might be different. I'm disassociated from the world and everyone in it...there is a sureal dreamlike quality, quite peaceful. I suppose any psychiatric advice would be to reconnect myself with the world...I want to know why? Why is being connected better than not being connected? Why is having a job and going to work and earning money to buy stuff, better than staring into space until you die?
Oh and I suppose that I ought to address the other half of the definion of limbo...What is it that i'm waiting to resolve or decide? I have no idea in the least...lol, if i did I suppose i'd resolve or decide it All I know is that I'm waiting, there is something that i'm meant to do that will have an effect in the grander sceme of things. I used to think it was something I was meant to learn, but now i'm not as sure, that it isn't something that i'm meant to do. But what it is I have no idea.
I've been advised in the past just to do stuff and whatever it is will just happen of it's own accord...well I think i'm meant to wait. Perhaps it's the second coming of jesus? The rising of the dark lord? lol or perhaps the earth reaching a critical mass, that will trigger the whole beingness of ourselves forward through time and space. Whatever. I suppose I just have to wait to find out, lol.
I wonder how long it'll be before mainstream literature includes 'lol' as an official expression of mirth? Not to mention all the other leet speak that is filtering down through the bedrock of society to the groundwater of language? Since language changes so frequently I'm sure that some of it will survive, and other bits will fall by the wayside.
*sigh* I suppose i'd better reconnect with a couple of friends who may notice my not being around.