Friday, 3. April 2009, 14:37:16
Well since i last wrote a heap of new stuff has happened.
I'm in a new relationship. It's complicated. My head said I shouldn't rush into it. Wil is fresh out of a marriage (I know rebound relationships rarely work.) He's also has Friedreich's Ataxia which means that he's in a wheelchair, is blind, has hearing problems, heart problems and a life expectancy of 35-60...but considering he's already had two heart attacks he reckons he's got until 42 at most. Wil is a year younger than me, so is about to turn 34.
Wil also has a daughter which may or may not be his, who he is desperate to have as much custody as possible of. His ex-wife was/is abusive physically and emotionally towards both Wil and Noni. She actually drugged the pair of them so she could go out with other men. Flies off the handle and beats Noni...and Wil being unable to get out of bed unassisted could do nothing about it. The emotional abuse left Wil feeling so powerless he couldn't even tell other's about it until Chris left him. OK, so there you have a brief glimpse of Wil's life, and I arrived on the scene as their marriage was falling apart and Wil's friends were trying to help him walk away with as much dignity and support as possible. Every five minutes or so someone would come forward and talk about Chris's bad behavoiur towards him and Noni, and I was the only person so uninvolved with his life to that date to be able to distract him from the pain of all these revelations.
After a while of just hanging out, and flirting (since Wil can't help but to flirt with everyone he meets)...and a number of nights just sitting on his bed talking about random stuff as a distraction to lying awake dwelling on things. Wil made his move on me (apparently he'd been interested in me for about month or so...but me being me didn't notice, and hadn't realised how much i liked him until that afternoon). Three weeks later and I feel it if i'm not around him, I think of him constantly...and the sex is unbeliveable.
So last night Chris invited Wil over to visit Noni (which she'd been denying Wil until then)...after a bit of haggling, we negotiated terms where Chris was meant to stay 5 metres away, and i had to stay out by the car...which ultimately she broke. She ended up convincing Wil that they ought to be friends for Noni's sake (which technically i agree would be ideal...although how to reconcile the past abuses with friendship I can not conceive) and had her arms wrapped around him. I don't know if i'm jealous, afraid or what. I'm scared she's manipulating Wil, so that all police charges will be dropped, or that she's trying to manouver Wil into paying for more of her excesses, or what? The truth is I just plain don't trust her to be straight about anything. Wil tried to reassure me that he'll never get back together with Chris (which i belive)...but it doesn't reassure me that he won't be continually taken as a sap by her. She's already negotiated with Wil that he should visit Noni tonight with a carer rather than me at his side (which i can understand since i'm the replacement girlfriend)...but the carers are paid to stay right out of personal issues and will hardly stand up and fight for Wil's rights.
I feel sick and tense...on tenter hooks...waiting for the next scene to play out. To see what part i'll actually have to play, or if i'll be pushed out into the cold by a manipulation by Chris. I'm hating myself for letting myself fall for Wil, when my head said "NO!"
Anyway...that's where i stand today...who know's about tomorrow.