So today's post is about what happens when I forget to refill a certain script. While the avanza script messes with my sleep patterns, effexor messes with my dreams and manner of sleeping. First of all I sleep so heavily that I don't roll over, which leaves me feeling like i've killed all the cells in one hip due to lack of blood flow. Secondly it severely messes with my dreams. I have bizzare saga dreams on any usual night, but when I haven't taken this med they are epic bizzaro dreams...it's like I have extra long dream cycles, which are all interlinked more than usual. It reminds me of what I was once told happens to alcoholics once they come off the grog; the grog had them sleeping in such a deep state for so many years that their bodies try to compensate for all the lost years of rem sleep...flooding them with dreams, to the point that they can feel as if they are going mad.
Anyway, last night's dream my whole family when on a sex convention (not like sexpo)...where every sexual concept you've ever held was challenged, and you were encouraged to experiment without repercussions. There were confrences to ask you why you believed what you did, why you limited yourself to certain attractive people as potential partners...all the while that was going on i was also a secret agent that travelled through time, could fly by concentrating, and could also turn myself invisible at will.
So I went off exploring various situations like hooking up with a 50's rock and roll singer who went to my old school in Hamilton. Apparently it was due to my interference with his life that he became such a huge success. I rearranged the school buildings and built an awesome swimming pool that was dedicated to him, so that his name would live on forever (at least in that community). I bounced around that school for a couple of hundred years, helping other's reach the peaks of their professions.
Eventually I returned to the confrence and thwarted an evil master mind from taking over the world, had George Bush pay me a large wad of cash, which my father insisted on calling me a prostitute for accepting. All the while my family was blissfully unaware of my super spy abilities, and they'd been only exploring their own sexualities. Then things dipped briefly into reflections of how I see each of them and their attitudes towards sex and the world around them...and I told them off for ignoring the fact that Raphy had been witness to all thier behaviour towards each other, and how was he supposed to make sense of the world and his own sexuality in the future if he'd been subjected to all of their foibles. I asked Raph what we could do to untraumatise him, and he expressed that all he wanted was to go on the rollercoaster on level ten...so we packed a picnic and got them to reopen that floor to us. Then we rode the rollercoaster until it was time to go home, by which time Raph was so plum tuckered that he was fast asleep on my back as I piggy backed him out of the convention centre. It could also express my worry about Raph being bipolar, or suffering from anxiety (the last of which he is already showing signs of).
So what does all of that mean? Well there are a heap of topics that have been running around in my family this year...sexuality being the biggest topic. Another being Raph's sponge like absorbtion of everything going on around him causing major problems for the poor little mite trying to make head and tail of the world around him. On a personal note I've discovered that i'm quite liberal (free thinking rather than political party) when compared to my family when it comes to attitudes about sex, appearance, and expressing what I believe, or wanting to experience new things. Also that I can shine, even tough the majority of people can't see me, and that I can control the environment around me...and that I'm often in the right place at the right time to get things done.
*sigh* yet it also expresses the longing I have for meeting someone extraordinary to share my life with. Certainly a pearl in the rough appeals, yet I also feel invisible to them. That I also have to demonstrate physically that I believe that they can achieve great things before they truly understand how much they mean to me. Certainly a catch 22, and self destructive behavoiur.
Anyway, that's it from me today. I have to get out and buy these drugs, so I sleep better tonight :)
P.S. Also please excuse any typo's I may have made today as i've got my right hand bandaged so that I can't play solitare or mahjong. I've gone and given myself RSI in my index and middle fingers by playing them too much whilst watching tellie on my puta.